It’s a beautiful today in Guerneville. So beautiful, in fact, I decided to forego watching the ATP Tour Finals on order to take a walk in the neighborhood.
About 50 feet out of the driveway, I turned to take this picture. While doing so, I thought about how nice it was to occasionally get out of the city and appreciate the beauty that exists in much of California.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a car pulling out of a driveway and heard it pull up behind me in the street. Thinking that the driver had slowed to avoid hurting me, I turned around and waved while moving closer to the side of the road.
The driver motioned me closer, and rolled down her window. As best as I can recall, the conversation went like this:
Her: Hi. You’re taking pictures?
Me: Yeah, it’s a beautiful day out here so I decided to take some pictures.
Her: Do you mind me asking why?
Me: Excuse me?
Her: Well, I ask because we’ve had a few problems up here.
Me: <pointedly with a gesture> I’m Greg’s partner and I just left from Greg and Rick’s place to take a walk.
Her: <demeanor change and smile> Gotcha. Have a good day.
She waved and drove off. My demeanor changed as well. Though the day was still beautiful, I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. Just get in my car and drive back to San Francisco. Unable to muster any further enthusiasm for a walk, I came back to Greg’s place while actively trying to tamp down my growing rage.
Because I had to tell someone and he is my rock, I interrupted his work day to tell him what had transpired. It wasn’t so that he could take action on my behalf the next time he sees her, or anything like that. I simply needed to tell my closest ally about something that even now brings rage tears to my eyes as I type.
I’ve felt uncomfortable walking around Guerneville before, but now it’s permanently cemented in my psyche. I’ve written previously about seeing a confederate flag, and conversations with Greg’s housemate who suggested going on walks around the neighborhood with him so they could see I belonged here. But today took the prize.
Before anyone sends me inquiries about the validity of her “problems up here” claims, I am the one who chides Greg for not locking the door at night. Also, just know that if anyone sends a defense of her actions, it will not be well-received.
Regardless of who’s President, THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A BLACK MAN IN AMERICA! To desire a simple walk on a beautiful day and end up so angry that you have to actively stifle rage tears and militancy.
The next time you read an angry BLM or other racial injustice post, you know why. Also, please think twice before messaging me about how angry I sound. I am. Get ready for me to become even more unapologetic it.