A few days ago, there was an article on the HuffingtonPost.com by author Kergan Edwards-Stout titled Please defriend me. The gist of the article was that if you were going to cast your vote for Mitt Romney, it meant that you also viewed him and his family as second-class citizens not worthy of the same rights as others. Un-apologetically, he goes on to say:
“Bottom line: I don’t care who you are; whether you are my relation by blood or a longtime acquaintance, I don’t want “friends” who don’t think I’m as good as they are. I want friends who value me, who see my worth as a human being, and who fully support my equal protections under the law.”
A friend of mine used that same theme to post his own version on his Facebook status. It elicited a huge amount of follow-up comments, mostly supportive but with a handful of “friends” who questioned that course of action – including a friend of his who is conservative AND lesbian. I tried to be a more moderate voice in the crowd (click here to read the transcript), but also unapologetic about the contents of the post as I spoke from my experience as a gay man and a black man.
Today I read a Facebook status post that hit the nail on the head in a much better way, at least for me. Written by the playwright who wrote I Am My Own Wife, it read:
“I wish my moderate Republican friends would simply be honest. They all say they’re voting for Romney because of his economic policies (tenuous and ill-formed as they are), and that they disagree with him on gay rights. Fine. Then look me in the eye, speak with a level clear voice, and say, ‘My taxes and take-home pay mean more than your fundamental civil rights, the sanctity of your marriage, your right to visit an ailing spouse in the hospital, your dignity as a citizen of this country, your healthcare, your right to inherit, the mental welfare and emotional well-being of your youth, and your very personhood.’ It’s like voting for George Wallace during the Civil Rights movements, and apologizing for his racism. You’re still complicit. You’re still perpetuating anti-gay legislation and cultural homophobia. You don’t get to walk away clean, because you say you ‘disagree’ with your candidate on these issues.”
– Pulitzer and Tony winning playwright Doug Wright
There are other variations of this theme making their way through Facebook, like this one from Broadway star Max von Essen, but the theme is the same. If you claim to be both “my friend” and also a conservative who will support a party that wants to make me less of a human being in the eyes of the law, then you have to own that reality and potentially deal with the consequences (or not) to said friendship. On a personal level, though I’ve been tempted to use the Facebook “Nuclear Option” of defriend people based on their support of Mitt Romney and the GOP, I haven’t taken the step to actually do so just yet and am not sure that I should for all of the people that I potentially know who might be supporting Romney. It would be casting a very wide net that, if used, could have unintended casualties: friends from high school and college who I’m not ready to toss out just for exercising their Constitutional right to vote.
But… and there is a but… I can’t say that I haven’t come very close to doing so, and not just because of my outrage at the support of the anti-gay GOP agenda. That is, of course, the lion’s share. But the tipping point that would actually cause me to go the Nuclear route and “defriend” someone (probably ending the friendship) is the complicit silence by these friends at the utter lack of decency that has been exhibited in this 2012 Presidential campaign.
I have posted a crapload of article links and status updates this election, a virtual avalanche, outlining the hypocritical stances of Romney or the ridiculous of economic policies that don’t “add up”. What I received, in terms of comments to these Facebook posts, were attempts at telling me in one form or another how Obama’s policies have failed and hurt the economy. I received these types of comments while receiving not a single comment, even in support, about Mitt’s non-sensical plan of reducing taxes by 20% while also reducing the deficit.
I’ve also posted about the outrageous attempts at voter suppression by the GOP that are happening across the nation via the use of “Voter ID” laws. These laws, as sold to the public, are supposed to stop voter fraud. But what they are really meant to do is keep voters from voting who are more likely to support the President. I’ve posted about the continuing attacks on the President as a Muslim and as a non-citizen. I’ve posted comments about the outrageous comments about women and rape. I’ve posted about the outright lies Romney and Ryan that are so bold as to be stunning in their audacity. All of these things…and not one single comment by any of my conservative friends. Not to defend them, because I wouldn’t expect anyone to defend these things. But I’d at least expect some of them to say I know that these things aren’t right. A simple acknowledgement would be sufficient, but I’ve received nothing.
If the hatred of the constructed persona of our President (by Fox News and others) is so great that people who claim to be my friend would stand behind indecency as a means to the end of removing that President, THAT becomes the tipping point for me. Call me old-fashioned, but the means do matter. In the same way that I would readily condemn violence against a Romney supporter, and Sen. McCain would step up to be the only Republican to condemn rape remarks by fellow Republican Mourdock, I would hope that my friends would condemn attempts to keep blacks from voting or any of the many examples of indecency in this campaign. Unfortunately I’m kinda still waiting.
The “Nuclear Option” of defriending and losing friendships isn’t fun, easy, or preferable, but it sure beats looking someone in the eye and doubting the character of their heart.
On. The. Head.
You nailed it.
Thank you Don!